


All I Ask

by TheOakRoom



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6274600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOakRoom/pseuds/TheOakRoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it is very difficult to stay true to yourself.To have courage to express your own feelings. They are frail. They took a step forward then retreat immediately.</p>
<p>Fairy tales does not exist.But who said that they can‘t create one for their own?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Visitation

Carol sat in an armchair with a graceful smile. But she couldn't hide her nervousness as her hands were shaking slightly. Carol clutched the armrest of the chair, tried to steady her hands.

Therese sat opposite to Carol. She looked down to a small cup which she has been holding for a long time. Her finger moved up and down to the handle of the cup. Carol stared at Therese intensely, clocked her every move.

Finally, someone breaks the silence.

"Would.. do you want to take a look at this apartment?" Carol gathered up her courage and asked. She tried to figure out Therese's thoughts as Therese didn't say a word since she entered the apartment. Carol hated this feeling as if there is a distance between Therese and her that she can never stride.

Therese moved her sight from the cup to Carol. She saw Carol smile shrinkingly but dodging her gaze at the same time. The action clutched her heart. She wanted to say something but she can't. She can't say yes or no to Carol. She remembered Carol's disappointed face when she said no to Carol at Ritz. She does not want to hurt Carol.

Therese stared at Carol until Carol looked back to her. She nodded and stood. She can only nod.

Therese wandered to the hallway. Carol followed her. Therese stopped at the door in front of her. By the time she was guessing which room would be Carol's bedroom, Carol opened the door for her. Therese saw a well-decorated room with a pale purple painted wall, two dressers and a huge bed.

The bed is obviously too big for one person. _What if this is not only for one? It might be made for two, for Carol and her..._

Therese shook her head to get rid of this thought. She'd loved to share the bed with Carol. However, she does not know whether it is a good idea or not at this moment.

Therese kept looking around the apartment. Carol opened every door to let Therese visit and quietly close them after Therese had left the room.

At the end of the hallway, opposite to the large bedroom, there is a small room which has a black-coloured door. Therese opened the door and stepped in. The room is not decorated like other rooms in the apartment. There are no decorations at all. A table leaned against the wall of the room. Some papers, basins were placed on the table. Underneath the table, there is an icebox. It looked like a store room, nothing special. However, Therese knew it's not.

She walked slowly to the table and crouched to pull out the icebox. She opened the icebox and found couples bottles of chemical.  Therese realized that it is a darkroom, a darkroom for her.

She turned around and saw Carol stood by the door. She walked toward Carol. Carol fixed her eyes on Therese. She doesn't know what Therese thought about the darkroom. Perhaps she would like it, perhaps she would just walk away.

"I should go now." Therese said, walking to the entrance of the apartment. Carol wished she could stop her. She wished she could ask Therese to stay with her. Instead, she followed Therese to the entrance.

"Therese, I thought you may need a place to work, outside The Times. And... maybe you can stay here to develop your photographs. I... you welcomed to use the darkroom anytime."

Carol said, looked down to her feet. Her voice was shaking.  Carol was holding a key in her hand and she extended her arm to Therese.

Therese looked at Carol, their eyes stay locked. Carol tried to smile, "you know...it is totally up to you."

Therese wanted to say something but suddenly she became ineloquent. She could not make up her mind. Their eyes stay locked for a long time and then, Therese moved.

She took the key from Carol's hand. Carol released a breath that she didn't realize that she was holding.

"Goodnight, Carol."

"Goodnight."


	2. What are you thinking

It's near the midnight in the New York city, only a few people walking down the sidewalk. The weather was not nice as the temperature dropped from time to time.

Therese wanders along the sidewalk. She has been walking for several hours. She finished her work in the evening but she didn't want to go home. She always feels alone at her home. Even though she has re-printed the walls with blue colour to make it warmer. She still feels uncomfortable.

Most of the shops were closed at this time. Therese stopped walking, she saw an entrance of a furniture store.

Her heart clenched as she remembered someone told her that she got a job as a buyer for a furniture store.Therese can see herself by the reflection of the glass. She looked haggard and drawn.

_"You look very fine. You know that?"_

She heard someone told her that she look thriving.

_It was Carol._

She remembered how Carol looked at her as if she is the most precious gift in the world. She remembered the way Carol walks, the way she speaks and her smile.

She realized that no matter what she's doing or thinking, she thinks of Carol.

Even when she sleeps, Carol also appears in her dream. She wished she could tell Carol how much she loves her and misses her.

Does Carol know that she is wrong? She will never be fine without her. She wished she could tell everything to Carol. But whenever she sees Carol, she became inarticulate.

It was nearly 2 o'clock in the morning when Therese got home.

She did not turn on the lights and walked straight to the living room. She sat on the couch and took out the key that Carol gave her. She remembered Carol's face when she walked into the darkroom at her apartment; When Carol offered the key to her. The nervous and bewildered expression that should not have appeared on Carol's face.

_Carol, her Carol,_ should not look like this.

But what can she do? She doesn't even know how to express her feelings to Carol. She doesn't know how Carol feels either.

She was too afraid, too afraid that Carol will disappear once again if she took a step closer to her.

Maybe it is the best way for both of them. To keep distance to each other. Or maybe she should take a step forward and be honest with herself. She cannot tell which is a better way at this moment.

Therese sighs and lay back to the couch, closed her eyes.

She hopes she can dream of Carol. Perhaps it is the only way that she can stay close to her.

 

-

 

It was already the third glass of wine and the second cigarette for Carol. She sat in the armchair look out to the balcony. The sky was so clear that she can see some stars from where she sat.

_"Another sleepless night." She thought._

She has had trouble sleeping at night for several months.

Most of the time she would found herself staring at the wall if the bedroom or be woken by the sound of a car which drove by the road.

Those nights when she can have some sleep she would dream of Therese.

Sometimes there was Therese and her sitting at the coffee table, chatting and having coffee together.

Sometimes she dreamt about the first time they met at the Frankenburg's department store. She can see Therese wearing a Christmas hat telling her that she liked train set when she was four.

But not all of those are sweet dreams. In most of her dreams, she can see a heartbroken Therese.

She didn't know how Therese looked like after she left her and she could not imagine it.

She could not imagine her Therese looked fragile and exhausted. _And she is the one who made Therese heartbreaks._

Carol's heart clutches when she thinks of it. Then she would wake up restlessly and she couldn't go back to sleep anymore.

Tonight was another sleepless night.

Carol sat in the darkness. She wondered what Therese was doing at this late night. Maybe she has already fallen asleep.

 

_She's always sleepy. Carol thought._

 

She can remember the way that Therese looked at her with her sleepy eyes. Carol's heart clenched when she thought of the last time she saw Therese slept.

 

_She left on that morning._

_She left her Therese._

 

She felt a sudden heat from her eyes she needed to close them to prevent tears running down her cheek.

She could not regret more about what she have done. She wanted to do something to atone for her mistake.

Is it too much to ask for the forgiveness from Therese?

 

Will she give her the second chance?

 

Carol wants to know the answer. However, she does not have the courage to ask. When Therese showed up at her apartment, she wasn't brave enough to ask Therese to stay. All she can do is to offer a key to Therese hoping she will come over.

Carol realized that she does not have the strength to do what she wants to do. She used to hide her own feelings and remain elegant in all the circumstances.

She thought she made the best choice for Therese but it wasn't. Instead, she made a huge mistake that she couldn't bear the consequence.

_She loves_ _Therese._

This is the undeniable truth. She would do anything to make Therese come back to her.

Carol hates herself for being weak. Maybe it's time to throw away her disguise and stay true to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for updating my work so late as i went to a trip and it was very difficult to find a computer. I will update more frequently. Sorry again!
> 
> And thanks for all those nice comments and kudos! Your support is very important for me! Thanks again! I am not good at expressing my feeling, all i can say is thank you and thank you!


	3. I noticed the small things of you

Carol saw a pair of shoes put on the doorway when she opened the door. She took off her shoes and put it next to them.

  
She walked into the living room and noticed that the door of the darkroom was shut. She sat on the couch, smoking.

  
It has been 2 weeks since she offered the key to Therese. And lucky enough, Therese showed up 2 days later. She has been spending longer and longer time at Carol‘s apartment.

Sometimes she only dropped by to collect the photographs. Sometimes she would spend an entire afternoon in the darkroom when she got a day off.

  
Carol knew every single time when Therese has been here because she would leave a note for Carol, saying thank you to her. Carol would pick up the notes Therese left for her and read it again and again before putting them into the drawer in her bedroom.

  
Therese does not hear any sound from the outside in the darkroom.

  
She can always found what she needs in the darkroom. Tools neatly placed beside basins; Chemicals in the icebox. When she go to the darkroom every time, it is always neat and clean. Of course she would tidy up before she leaves but the room is cleaner compared to the last time she visited.

  
She knew that was Carol who did all the things for her. Refilling chemicals, tidying up the room to make sure that she doesn't need to buzz around to get what she needs.

  
She can imagine the way Carol walk in the darkroom, got everything prepared. Sometimes she would left some photographs here and she thought Carol might saw them when she walked into the darkroom. It looks like she was sharing the same moment with Carol as they saw the same photograph and Carol would touch the things that she was using before. Therese's heart start to beat faster when she thinks of this.

  
She left a note for Carol when she finished her work, saying thank you. But it was not enough compared to what Carol has done for her.

She wanted to hug Carol, holding her in her arms to tell her how grateful she is.

 

  
-

  
“Oh. Carol. Sorry. I didn’t know you are here.”

Therese saw Carol when she entered the living room. Carol is sitting right there, right in front of her. She has imagined thousands of scenarios of Carol and she meet in this apartment but this is certainly not one of them.

Carol looked up from the book she was reading and saw Therese standing next to the dining table. “No need to apologise.”

  
“Did you.. finish developing your photos?”

  
“Not yet. I have got some more but i need to wait for them to dry.”

  
Therese was rubbing her hands. She didn’t expect to see Carol today. She just wants to get some fresh air since she has spent the entire afternoon in the darkroom.

  
She saw Carol nodded. For some reason she found Carol was nervous.

  
Not until Therese has make up her mind, Carol speaks.

  
“So... would you like to stay for dinner? You can... you can collect the photographs after that.”

  
Their gazes meet. She has been practicing it for thousands of times in her mind. She doesn’t sure whether Therese is ready to have dinner with her.

But she wants to try anyways.

  
_She has been rejected by Therese once, it can‘t get any worse._

  
“Oh yes... yes. It would be great.”

  
Her heart almost jumped out from her throat. She gets up from the couch and walk towards Therese. She walks very quickly like she‘s running to Therese. She gave her a smile.

  
“I will tell you when dinner is ready.”

  
“Thank you Carol.”

 

  
-

  
“You still keep the camera?” Carol gestured to the coffee table. There are a camera and a bag on it. “I saw it when you came into the living room.”

  
Therese looked at where Carol was pointing. The camera. It is not just an ordinary camera, but it’s the one that Carol gave her as a Christmas gift from the last Christmas.

Of course she‘s keeping it. How could she throw it away? It was a present from Carol that she treasured and valued it as the most precious thing in the world.

  
“Yes..did not consider buying a new one since it was only a few months old.”

  
“The gentleman in the shop told me it was the latest model.” Carol chuckles. She seemed delighted as she always smiles when she was talking. It makes Therese happy when she saw her smile.

  
“And ...how was your work at the furniture store?” Therese thought she does not know anything about Carol‘s work and maybe it is a good chance to ask about it.

  
Carol smiles again. “Quite free actually. I look for something unique and beautiful and that I give a list to other people in the import company. They buy it for me and I carry them back to the store.” She took a sip from her drink. “It‘s an easy work and i am well-paid.”

  
Therese smiles as she listened to Carol. She loved to listen to Carol‘s voice.

 _She can listen to voice for the rest of her life._ She thought.

They finished their dinner quietly. Therese helped Carol to collect the dishes, then back to the darkroom to collect photographs.

  
When Therese finished tidying, she found Carol also finish washing the dishes. She wanted to say goodbye to Carol but couldn‘t find her in the living room. So she walked around the apartment and finally found her in the bedroom.

  
Carol lays on the bed with a magazine in her hands. Her eyes shut.

  
Therese takes away the magazine, sat in the armchair watching her sleep.

  
She remembered she has watched Carol sleep, in a hotel room.

  
Carol frowned as if she's having a nightmare. Therese walked to her, caress her forehead with her thumb to sooth the crease.

  
She moved her head downward, getting close to Carol.

Slowly but surely, she pressed her lips on Carol‘s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here is the third chapter. Sorry i have been busy for the past few days. I wish i could update it more frequently. I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> The next chapter would be a huge step for the two!  
> And thanks for all the comments and kudos! Please let me know what you think!


	4. The heat of my head

"Carol?"

 

Therese walked along the hallway, searching with her eyes. She gets no response.

 

_There is something wrong. She thought._

 

The door of the apartment was half-opened when she came in. She thought that maybe Carol has forgotten to lock the door, but she cannot hear anything from Carol when she called out for her.

 

She thought it could be a break in. Her heart beats faster as she realised that she could be in danger if the burglar still inside the apartment. But then she saw Carol's shoes which were left at the end of the hallway.

 

"Carol? You forgot to close the door."

 

Therese entered the living room, but she was startled by what she saw.

 

Carol lay on the floor with her eyes shut. She's breathing heavily and her cheeks are red. Therese ran into Carol. She felt an incredible heat when she touched her skin.

 

Therese helps Carol to get up. She puts Carol's hand on her shoulder and the other one draping around her waist. Her body is burning hot and she lets out a gasp of pain when Therese settled her in bed.

 

"Carol, Carol. It's okay. You will be fine." Therese said as she removed the coat and shoes from Carol.

 

Carol is lying on the bed, trying to stretch her arms and legs as far as possible as she felt extremely uncomfortable with the heat all over her body. She feels like she would be exploded anytime.

 

She felt giddy when she was in the furniture store in the afternoon along with the headache. She decided to go home before the situation is getting worse. She called a cab, barely managed to get out when it stopped at the Madison Avenue. She couldn't remember how did she open the door and eventually being on the floor of the living room.

 

And right now she is in her bed. Someone came in and found her. She heard a faint voice calling her name. _Was it Therese?_

 

Carol tried to open her eyes, however, it's impossible to do so. She can't lift her eyelids as if they are kept pushing down by a force.

 

Therese came out from the bathroom with a hand towel. She sat on the side of the bed. She folded the hand towel in half and press it slightly on Carol's cheeks, forehead and the neck, wiping out the sweat. Carol sweated for hours. She thought it could be a good sign because the redness on her cheeks reduced.

 

Therese tucked the comforter under Carol's shoulder, make sure she can keep warm. She walked to the other side of the bed and climbed on it.

 

She watches Carol sleep. This is the third time for her to do it. But this time Carol does not have a good one. She frowned as if she's in a lot of pain.

 

Therese watches her. She feels a sudden surge of anger. _Could you take good care of yourself? What if I didn't come today?_

 

She feels like she's also suffering from Carol's pain, that her body is also burning.

 

Therese puts her hand on Carol's forehead and found that the heat was reduced. She knows it is getting better. She lets out a long breath, feeling relieved.

 

It is almost midnight when Therese has thought about the time. It is a little bit late for her to go back to her apartment. So she decided to stay here for one night. Besides, she needs to take care of Carol.

 

She heard a faint moan when she came back to the bedroom with a clean hand towel. She quickly walked to the bed and found Carol with her mouth open, making some hoarse sound from her throat.

 

Therese ran to the kitchen and ran back with a glass of water. The sweat and the high temperature has caused Carol dehydrated. Therese carefully lifted Carol, placing her head against her shoulder. She holds her shoulder with one hand and put the glass to Carol's mouth.

 

"Drink slowly."

 

She helped Carol to lay down again when she finished drinking water. She went to the kitchen again to fill another glass of water to make sure Carol can get it immediately if she wakes up again in the middle of the night.

 

"Therese? Is that you?"

 

Her arm being caught when she put the glass on the night stand. She startled by the touch of Carol. Her hand is very hot as if Therese is touching a heater. But for Carol, the cold hand of Therese helps to soothe her.

 

"Yes. It's me. Don't worry, you will be fine." Therese assured her, putting her hand under the comforter.

 

"No..no. Don't go..please. Stay here."

 

Carol said it with a tired, hoarse voice.

 

Therese stiffs, her back straighten. She looks at Carol, who now closed her eyes.

 

And after a long, long time she climbed onto the bed once again, lying next to Carol. She put her hand on Carol's shoulder, squzees slightly.

 

" I am not going anywhere."

 

She waits and Carol's voice appears again.

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes. Go back to sleep. You need to rest."

 

She said it quietly, almost whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I think this chapter is a huge step for both of them. And Carol is sort of revealing her feelings although she didi it when she was sick.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this chapter! Thanks again for the comments and kudos! I am glad that i can plant some seeds to you! 
> 
> And more will be coming! Thank you for reading my work and tell me what you think!


	5. Would you tell me the truth?

Carol woke by the ray of light which passes through the window. She felt the heat has gone but her body is sticky since she has been sweating for the whole night, so she decided to take a shower. She remembered there was someone who helped her and took care of her last night. She felt the touch from a soft hand. She knew the person lying next to her, stay up all night.

 

Deep down in her heart she wished the person is Therese. She thought at least it proved that Therese still cares about her, that she would stand by her when she's weak.

 

But she was too afraid to find out the answer. She was too afraid that it was just a dream, an illusion happened in her mind. She does not think that she has the strength to accept the reality.

 

 _Such a coward._ She said quietly with a wry smile.

 

Carol put on a robe when she stepped out the bathroom. She feels better now but still dizzy. Maybe a cup of coffee would help. She thought.She was startled by what she saw in the living room when she made her way to the kitchen. She stopped abruptly, couldn't say a word.

 

She is there. The answer is right there.

 

Therese is lying on the couch with eyes closed, breathing steadily. She turned, adjusting the position. Carol stands still, watching Therese sleep.

 

Therese. Her Therese, sleeping on the couch in her house.

 

She thinks of thousand of ways to greet when Therese wakes up. But then wipe them out one by one. She realized that she doesn't know how to talk to Therese. She feels speechless.

 

Finally, Therese opens her eyes.

 

She sat up from the couch, rubbing her eyes and then she discovered Carol's presence. She looked Carol into her eyes.

 

"Morning."

 

"Hi," Carol said, looking at her feet.

 

Therese stands up, walking towards Carol. She feels her heart beat faster as she gets closer to Carol. She keeps walking until she stands in front of Carol, only inches away. Therese look at Carol's face intensely and found that Carol constantly avoiding her gaze.

 

Carol looked pale and exhausted, her skin is cold despite the hot shower. Her lower back leaned against the dining table. Therese notices Carol gesture.

 

"Do you feel better?" She asked concernedly, worrying the heat hasn't gone.

 

Carol nodded slightly, still looking at her feet. And then she took a deep breath as if gathering courage. "Thank you... for taking care of me last night."

 

A long silence. Neither of them talked.

 

"I am here because someone asked me to stay last night." Therese finally said, sounds annoyed.

 

Carol noticed the tone, she looked embarrassed, tried to find the appropriate words to response. "Well... sorry about that. I wasn't meant to keep you here." She apologized with a faint smile. The response from Carol infuriated Therese. Her face turned red, staring at Carol.

 

"Is that so? You don't want me to stay? Then why would you say that to me last night, just because you were sick?"Therese said quickly. She felt tears filled with her eyes, threatening to fall. She raised her head to try to suppress it.

 

Carol was shocked by the anger of Therese. She doesn't, and she would never want to make her angry. She was so used to deny things and her feelings so accustomed that she doesn't even notice she has done it. She saw Therese tried to hold back the tears, her heart clenched. She wants to wrap her in her arms, tell her that she meant it. She really wants her to stay. Instead, she just stands in front of Therese, doing nothing.

 

"No... It's not like that..." Carol said with an extremely low voice, more to herself than to Therese.

 

Therese sighed. "Carol... please. Do you tell your true feelings only when you're weak?"

 

Therese was hoping, and it's her only hope. Carol would stay true to herself.

 

Why did you do all those things for me? She thought. The door key of this apartment, the darkroom, the materials that prepared by Carol. She has done everything for her. She even invited her to stay for dinner. She never doubts about Carol's love to her. But she also doesn't understand why Carol denied the thing she has said, saying that she don't want her to accompany.

 

 _Damn, Carol. Don't be that cruel._ She thought, realizing the only thing she wants was Carol to tell her the truth, instead of hiding behind the disguise.

 

"You know what? I have been trying," Therese said with a wry smile.

 

No response from Carol. So she continued. " I tried to hide everything about you. I tried but failed. I can hide all the photographs of you. I put them in the cabinet and covered them with other photos and books." She couldn't hold back the tears anymore, she let them roll down her cheeks. " But I couldn't hide our memories. I remembered your touch, your smile, your face and your voice. I couldn't get rid of them, no matter how hard I tried."

 

Therese attempted to wipe out the tears with her hand, but it's too much, she couldn't help but let them fall.

 

"I remembered the way you said you love me, back in the Oak Room. I knew it's true. Is it really that hard for you to stay true to yourself? Carol, please, I am begging you."

 

Carol slowly walk to Therese. Her heart almost explodes by Therese's confession. She never wanted her lover to experience in that pain. Therese deserve to be happy , not heart-broken.

 

Carol enveloped Therese with her arms. Her head rests against Carol's chest. She doesn't stop crying, more and more tears roll down her cheek and drops onto Carol's clothes finally.

 

"I thought I made the best choice for you.. for both of us. But I was wrong." Carol's arms tightened, pull Therese closer.

 

There doesn't say anything. Carol thought she's gonna lose Therese once again. She started pulling away from her but being stopped bt Therese's movement. Therese wrapped her by her waist, hug her back.

 

"Would you tell me the truth now?"

 

Carol rests her chin on top of Therese's forehead. "Yes, I would. And I want you to stay."

 

Therese sighed, nuzzled against Carol's chest.

 

"You're an idiot."

 

Carol presses a kiss on her forehead. A long, lingering kiss.

 

"I am, almost let my angel go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! It's been a long time since my last update. Sorry about that. April was a horrible month as I've got bunch of papers and assignments. But thank god it has gone and I am free!! Although there are still few exams, I can managed it. Sorry for the late update again.
> 
> So this chapter is about the confession of both of them. They finally learn to express themselves. I hope you guys enjoy reading this chapter and please tell me what you think!
> 
> Thanks again for waiting so long and all the lovely comments and kudos!! :)


	6. Where our heart belongs

"What is it?"

 

"A housewarming gift."

 

"Housewarming? I thought you are living in this apartment for a while."

 

"I do."

 

Therese seemed confused. She looked at the gigantic object which placed next to the dining table. The object is wrapped by a black, silk-made cover. She can guess by its size that the object is a piano but she doesn't understand why Carol bought it. And Carol's response did not help to clear her mind. A housewarming gift? Why would she buy a gift when she has been living for a period of time?

She saw Carol walking around the piano, hands brushing the cover. Then she stopped by the side of the piano, eyes look straight into Therese's.

"You ask if I would tell you how I feel," Carol said, smiling.

"And I said yes. So I am asking you to reconsider my suggestion." Her tone has become anxious, hands rubbing her neck. "Would you like to live with me?"

Therese felt her heart raced. She knows it is a commitment. Would she willing to share the life with Carol, after all of the things that they've been through? She may not be able to make up her mind but her heart already answered for her.

"I don't know, Carol," She said quietly and saw Carol's disappointed face. "But I"ll try."

Carol let out a sigh of relief. There are scars left for both of them, like a mark engraved upon the heart. She cannot see it but she knows they exist. She knows she has a lot to do to atone for her mistake and she would do everything she can. Therese has given her the second chance. _I have the rest of my life for atonement. She thought._

She gestures Therese come over when they stand by the side of the piano Carol told her to reveal the cover. Therese brushes the lid, the fall and the keyboard of the piano with her hand. She sits on the bench and found Carol looking at her intensely.

"So this is a gift for me?"

Carol smiles, "You can't call it home when you just simply live in a space."

 

 

Later in the evening, Carol stopped Therese when she wanted to go back to her apartment to pack up. Carol told her to wait for the next day so that she can drive her to the apartment and come back together. Therese didn't protest it. _That could wait. She thought._

Carol poured herself a glass of rye, took a sip before settling on the couch. Therese was sitting next to Carol moment ago when Carol sat down she moved her body, lying down on the couch with the head resting on Carol's lap. Carol felt herself stiffen when Therese touches her.

Her hands moving slowly, started to stroke her hair.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Any questions, darling."

"What happened when you backed to New Jersey?"

Carol slow down her action but doesn't stop.

"They made me see a psychiatrist. But 'doctor' was what they prefer to say."

How normal does it sound, as if she's talking a story of someone else.

"A psychiatrist? How the hell does that mean?" Therese seems infuriated. "How could they do that to you?" She bumped her head from Carol's lap, body starched as if she's going to a war.

Carol pushes her back gently. "It was nothing." She shrugged. "People used to label something as a disease because they don't understand it. That what they do to comfort themselves, don't they?" She smiles to Therese. "Besides, the very well-regarded doctor couldn't get anything from me."

The sarcasm in Carol's voice made Therese chuckles. When the laughter fades out Therese lifted her hands to cup Carol's cheek. Carol puts her hand on top of hers. Their eyes meet.

"Thank you, Carol. For all of the things you've done for me."

"No. I should be the one who say thank you."

Carol fall back to the couch with eyes closed. "I am not a brave person. I never am. I thought I had the strength but when something happened I could only run away." Her voice became lower, barely audible."I am so accustomed to hiding my feelings. It's like a mask on the face and after some time, I don't even remember I am wearing it."

"But you," She opened her eyes, look straight into Therese's green eyes. "You're so brave. Much, much braver than me. You have the strength that I never had. It gives me courage. I should be the one to say thank you."

Carol caresses Therese's cheek with her thumb. "I admire you."

Therese feels tears filled her eyes. She couldn't say a word. She looked up to Carol and found her shining gray eyes as if looking at the brightest stars in the sky.

Carol lean over, her lips brushing Therese's face, wiping off tears. Therese raises her head, searching.

And finally, their lips meet.

Therese can smell the perfume of Carol. She can touch the alabaster skin of Carol. She can see the beautiful golden hair of Carol. They are so familiar to her as if she would never forget.

 

_She's right. Therese thought._ _A space to live doesn't mean home._

 

She realized why she always feels cold in her apartment. She felt insecure when she was in the apartment alone. But now she feels safe in Carol's arms. A home is a place where the heart belongs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYYY!! Hello!!!  
> So Carol and Therese have opened up to each other in this chapter.  
> I am always moved by how the word "home" means to Carol and Therese. Carol's mood darken when Therese said she hadn't thought about home. And Therese said to Richard that christmas should be for families. How they cherished home and how painful for them when they couldn't get it.  
> But I know they will find it because home is where your love is next to you and they have each other.
> 
> Thank you for the nice comments and kudos!! Really! Thank you very much!!  
> And again I apologize for not updating for so long. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I will boost my speed :)
> 
> Also I have renamed some previous chapters. Seems it fits the content more. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think!


	7. The one who is unable to love

The room is tidy and clean. Documents placed in different folders on the shelf. There is a large table placed in the centre of the chamber and some chairs are put next to the table. None of these has intrigued Carol. She felt bored. She has been waiting in this room for almost an hour, no one showed up during the past hour.

She strolls around the room, noticing almost every object was dark in colour even the folder is dark red and there is a deep blue curtain. _Maybe it's best to describe a law firm. She thought. Dull, boring and depressing._

Carol looked at the clock on the wall. 2:00 p.m. And she's still waiting in Fred's office alone. The silence that filled the room made her extremely annoyed. She even thinks that she's being stupid, waiting for the men who are expected to arrive half an hour ago.

The door opened. Harge Aird and his attorney came in. Carol nodded to Harge as a greeting and the two men sit on the chairs next to Carol's. Once they sat down, Harge's lawyer started to talk to him. He spreads some papers on the table, fingers pointing at different areas of the paper as if he is explaining something.

Fred came in after a short period of time. He is holding a file in his hand. He begins to talk once he reaches the table.

He is explaining the terms and processes of selling the house in New Jersey. The house which Harge and Carol have been living for 10 years. She is beyond happy when Harge and she have reached an agreement that they were selling the house. Too much unpleasant memories happened in the house and she can hardly enjoy them whenever she thinks of those memories or the house. When Harge and she were divorcing, when she was in the house alone she couldn't help but kept thinking the leaking pipeline. Maybe her marriage was like the pipeline. Harge could not get it fixed and she would not bother to fix it.

Now her mind wanders back to the leaking pipeline in the kitchen. Waterdrops came out from the crack, it wets the cabinet, wets the floor and finally wets her feet.

The flat voice of Fred makes the explanation section became more intolerable. Carol does not interested in listening to the long, redundant clause so she just stares blankly at the curtain, wishing the monotonous voice can stop as quickly as he can.

Carol couldn't remember how many hours has passed until she was finally asked to sign the document. It feels like the eternity as if she would have to listen to the toneless voice for the rest of her life. It was certainly a relief for her. She smiles for the first time since she entered the room. _Thank god. It eventually ends. She thought._

Fred and Harge's lawyer leave the room after both of their clients have signed the paper, leaving Carol, and her former husband in the room.

"Carol, I... I appreciate you come by today," Harge begins. "And It.. it was ..." He was not able to finish the sentence. His voice fades. He looks embarrassed.

Carol keeps staring at the curtain as if there is something worth inspect to. The curtain was closed, no lights can enter the room. "Are you trying to apologize to me?" She sneered, doesn't look at Harge.

"I guess so. I feel sorry about what happened before." Harge muffled.

Carol laughed as if Harge just told her a joke. She was amused by Harge's confession. She turns her gaze from the curtain to Harge and saw his face turned red.

"Is it the first time for you to apologize? I mean, truly apologize."

Harge doesn't answer. He looked down at his feet. His body wiggling in his chair.

"That was very generous of you, Harge." She smiles. "Honestly, I don't blame you." Carol's smile grows wider.

She turned her gaze back to the curtain. "Do you know what shapes a person?" She asked as if it is an interesting question.

But Harge did not say a word. He was completely in shock when he heard Carol said she doesn't blame him for what he's done.

"It's not about the money or how successful you've become in the business sector," Hearing no response from Harge, Carol continues. "It's love. That's what shapes a person."

"Obviously, hiring a private inspector to follow your wife could not be considered as an act of love. But I really don't blame you for this. It happened and I had no intention to struggle in the past."

Carol gets up. She walks towards the table and stopped in front of the curtain. She opened it letting a ray of sunshine enters the room through the narrow gap.

"It's never about control. You will not have to control someone or force someone to stay with you. It isn't love when you need to compel it."

Harge looks at the rear view of Carol. He felt like he doesn't know her anymore. Carol is so strong and she always has been. He looks at Carol standing in front of the window and he remembered Carol stood in front of the door in the same room of the same law firm. He feels so familiar, yet so strange. He had to admit that he has done something wrong. A sense of guiltiness began to rise in his heart.

"It sounds like you are the expert."

Carol laughed again. "I am not. But I am learning from somebody else."

"Is that the shopgirl?"

"Therese. Her name is Therese."

She said the name so softly as if it is something need to be cherished. As if it will collapse if she raises her voice.

"Believe me, Harge. I know what it feels like to be unable to love. It was painful. I had suffered from it and I don't want to see you suffer."

Harge did not give a response but he gets up when Carol walks to the door. She takes her coat from the coat rack, hand placed on the door handle to open the door. Carol turned and smile to Harge.

"Goodbye, Harge."

She closed the door behind her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> undoubtedly, Harge is an asshole. I would have to curse him for a thousand times for him to do such thing to Carol. When I saw the scene of the law firm, when Carol left like a hero I saw Harge's facial expression. And I thought maybe he was regret for what he've done to Carol. So let's have some mercy!
> 
> Thank you for all the nice comments and kudos. Seriously you guys are amazing! I appreciate your support!  
> I hope you enjoy reading this chapter! Please tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time to write a fanfic. I hope you enjoy this very first chapter. I love this movie so much so i tried to write a fanfic.
> 
> Of course I do not own any rights of those characters. Please let me know what do you think about my work! I know there are a lot to improve.
> 
> So,thanks again for reading my work!


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